August Farewell
August Farewell
It was August 7, 2009, when the doctor stood at the foot of the hospital bed and with a deliberation that was both efficient and compassionate, looked directly at David Hallman and his partner Bill Conklin and said, "Our diagnosis is pancreatic cancer, stage four." In his thoughtful and deeply personal memoir, David Hallman narrates the sixteen days after Bill was diagnosed with terminal cancer and intersperses vignettes drawn from their thirty-three years together as a gay couple.
With poignancy, humor, and affection, David describes the excruciating intensity of caring for Bill during those final two weeks while reminiscing about the joys and challenges of their life together. During their lengthy relationship, both were deeply committed to social and environmental justice, loved the arts and traveling, and embraced faith and spirituality—values that were never more important to them than during the final days of Bill's life. As David sat at Bill's bedside, he shares how the memories of their great love provided him strength and helped him prepare Bill for the end.
August Farewell offers an intimate portrait of a loving relationship brought to an abrupt end and affirms the power of love in the face of adversity.
Excerpts from August Farewell
...After the x-ray is finished and the technician thanks Bill for the new joke, she pages an orderly to deliver us to the next testing site. Bill's bed is wheeled to a distant wing in the hospital and we are placed in the corridor queue for a CAT scan. There are several patients ahead of us but the line moves pretty expeditiously and within fifteen minutes or so a technician comes into the hall and asks Bill if he is William Conklin. This time I am not allowed to go into the room with him but am directed to a nearby waiting room.
I wonder if he is telling her the dead duck joke.
For the first time today, Bill and I are separated. I have nothing to do but sit and wait. And think.
I replay the day's activities in my mind. It has been frenetic since Bill's early morning wake-up call. Because of the pace, I have not digested the implications of the activities. We are here at the hospital because Bill's doctor was concerned about the most recent tests results. We are now in the medical imaging department because the emergency room doctor was concerned about what we told her about Bill's recent history and about what she saw when she examined him.
Maybe we are finally going to get some solid answers as to what is going on with Bill.
But now as I sit here wondering what the CAT scan may show, I find myself having qualms about whether I really want to know after all..
...
...One way or another, we marked the major transitions in our lives. The happier ones, we invariably celebrated with parties. Over the years, Bill and I did a lot of entertaining. We enjoyed hosting people in our home. Call it the Adelle-Lillian gene. We both could recall many grand soirées organised by our mothers.
In December 2000, we gathered friends and family for a three-fold celebration: the inauguration of a new millennium, the year of my fiftieth birthday and the cusp of the year of our twenty-fifth anniversary. We began the planning early and soon realised that the scope of our ambitions would strain the physical capacity of our Stratford house as well as the energies that we could bring to the food preparation. We already had a trip to Paris scheduled for late November and didn't fancy coming home from a week of Louvre-D'Orsay-Pompidou-Garnier-Bastille and having to throw ourselves into canapé recipes.
The solution — out-source the work to a hotel. A block from our Stratford house stood the venerable Queen's Inn. The edifice may have seen better days but the dining room had a cozy atmosphere with large cantilevered windows draped in red velvet, enough tables to seat one hundred plus, a parquet section of the floor large enough for the dancing styles of a range of ages and the kitchen could assemble a grand buffet that was equal parts tasty and tasteful. The multiple groups of friends that we were inviting from Toronto could stay overnight right there at the hotel relieving us of any obligation to convert our house into a one-night bed and breakfast. With characteristic queenly fastidiousness, we worked out the minutiae of details with the hotel's catering manager and then left for Paris.
Stratford was blanketed with a fresh snowfall on the party night, not so much to cause problem for the out-of-towners making the drive but sufficient to project a charming seasonal ambiance with all the Christmas lights strung along the main street. An hour or so before the party began, Bill and I walked the block from our house carrying our tuxedo suit bags and checked into the room that we had reserved for ourselves. Of course, we needed a room of our own to allow for the changes of clothes from formal dinner wear to after-dinner-let-loose-and-party wear. As the hosts, we had to set a high standard.
It was a wonderful party. Everyone thought so. Late in the evening, Bill and I circulated around the room with a tray teeming with simple and elegant Christmas decorations that we had bought in Paris to give our guests as a memento of the evening. I treasure a photograph from the party of my parents dancing arm in arm, Mom with the Christmas corsage on her wrist that we had bought for both our mothers. It was the last dancing occasion before Mom's deteriorating mobility put an end to that post-retirement form of exercise.
The one sour note (literally) of the evening was the DJ that we had hired supposedly on good recommendation. I thought his selection of dinner and dancing music was okay. My partner didn't. At times, Bill was almost apoplectic. But sufficient wine and the effusiveness of our guests who were clearly enjoying themselves mitigated his distress, for the most part at least. When I or any friend referred to that party in subsequent years, Bill would say, "remember that bloody DJ?"...
...I'm sitting beside the bed trying to swab Bill's lips without disturbing him. His eyelids flicker. He is awake. "Hello my darling. You seem to have had a relatively tranquil day today. I think that you've been asleep most of it." I'm not expecting any response. Conversation is pretty much a thing of the past.
He surprises me with a few soft sounds that are other than his usual breathing noises. He looks directly at me, his eyes not fully open but with his pupils focused and clear and plaintive. I'm not sure that I can trust my judgment. Is he trying to communicate or am I just projecting my emotional state onto him? He moves his fingers and tightens slightly his grip on my hand. It is not my imagination.
"I know dear. You want to go. And you're ready to go. And you're at peace about going."
Almost but not quite inaudibly he says, "yeah."
I take a deep breath and hold his gaze. "I want you to go because I know we both believe that it will be to a better place than the pain-filled place where you are now."
"You're right", he says slightly more distinctly.
"I'll be a major mess for a long time but I'm strong and we've got lots of friends who will help me. I'll eventually be all right. I want you to know that. You can go without worrying about me."
"Okay" he murmurs and closes his eyes.
"Happy anniversary my darling. I love you so much," I whisper, tears streaming down my face...
...Bill loved learning languages. Partly, it was the musician in him, the beauty of hearing the word spoken or sung.
Spanish had a big place in his heart. He spoke Spanish to any Hispanic he met on the street. He jabbered away to a Mexican friend in Stratford. He had long gossipy conversations with the housekeeper at the guest house in Puerto Vallarta where we spent every February. He enjoyed conversations with the Spanish-speaking staff at Verve, the new condominium building we moved into in October 2008.
About ten years ago after regaling his mother with endless stories of how much at home he felt when we were travelling in Mexico and how easily the language seemed to come to him, she looked him in the eye and said, "I guess it is about time I told you something."
"What?"
She hesitated. "You're grandfather is not who you think you grandfather is."
"What!"
"Hardly anyone in the family knows about this. I've never told you or anyone else about this except your dad of course. Frankly, I've always been pretty embarrassed about it." Long pause. "You know that my mother, your grandmother, was not all that keen on family life." Bill had heard lots of stories over the years about the two marriages, about how she would dump off her kids at relative's homes when she tired of them, a little bit about her life in vaudeville. "Well, she had an affair and bore two children out of wedlock. I was one of them."
"Oh my God. Are you serious?"
"This is not something I would joke about," she said sternly.
"Sorry. Sure. Please go on."
"My father, your grandfather, your real grandfather, was Mexican." Bill sat dumbstruck. After a moment, she asked, "Are you upset?" He just stared at her incredulous. Bill at a loss for words. Imagine. Adelle ventured on, "I guess my mother met him through the show business. He was a trick rider with a travelling Mexican rodeo. Apparently, his stage name was Mexican Joe."
Bill exploded in laughter, jumped up and kissed his mother and started dancing around the room. "This is fantastic. Absolutely incredible. I'm part Mexican. That explains so much. Do you know anything more about him?"
"Only his name and what I've told you."
"I'm thrilled Mom."
"And I'm relieved I guess. Now we don't have to talk about it anymore."
Bill's most recent project was to teach himself Italian. He loved travelling in Italy, he loved the operas of Verdi and Puccini, he loved the films of Fellini and Visconti, he loved Italian design. He decided that he just had to speak and understand the language fluently. He took night school courses and had workbooks from which he taught himself the grammar and vocabulary. For Bill, the culmination of learning Italian was going to be to be able to read Dante's The Divine Comedy in the original. He wanted to go to Italy soon and spend a year studying Italian and art. He didn't make it...
..I meet Mario in the hall outside our door. I need to prepare him. He and Bill have been good friends jabbering away in Italian as Bill spent the past few years in his new linguistic endeavour. But I hadn't been able to get through to Mario to tell him about Bill's diagnosis. He had been away from home. Yesterday, he picked up my messages and called me back. Now he is here to visit. And to say goodbye. I tell him that I believe Bill is very near death. Mario is in shock. I take him into the apartment. It is a very difficult visit. He holds Bill's hand and sobs. Bill's right eye is open. I detect tears rolling down his cheek...
1977
Bill in our first condo, Massey Square, Toronto
1980
Egypt - In front of the Great Sphinx of Giza during our trip that included Cairo, Luxor, and the Valley of the Kings
1986
Cottage life - cross country skiing at our cottage.
1990
Mexico - Bill in conversation with a potter in Oaxaca. Bill was also a potter and created beautiful art pieces.
1991
Morocco - Bill in the souk (market) in Tangier.
1995
France - on the Japanese Bridge over the water lilies pond at Monet's home in Giverny.
1999
Italy - in Piazza San Marco, Venice. How romantic can you get?
2000
Paris - At Trocadero with a view of the Eiffel Tower. Bill had studied at the Sorbonne in Paris for two years in the late 1960s and I spent a year at the Sorbonne in the early 1970s. When we met in 1976 and discovered that we had both studied in Paris, we took that as a sign that we were meant to be together.
2003
The last outing with our parents to the Stratford Festival.
2004
Mexico - together at Casa de los Arcos in Puerto Vallarta where we stayed every February for many years.
2007
Our Stratford house had been built in 1877 and was in a dilapidated state when we bought it in 1991. Bill restored it to its former glory as this 2007 photo shows.
2009
The living room of our condo in Toronto, our final home together. We set the hospital bed up in this room so that Bill could be near his piano and see the view.
2009
Toronto skyline as seen from our Verve condo. The view that Bill would see from his hospital bed in our living room.
Reader Reviews
I just read August Farewell. I was deeply moved by your account of Bill’s last days and your recollections of 30+ years of love between two men. You gracefully interwove past and present to convey the depth of your relationship, shared spirituality , and the importance of family and friend in challenging times.
I finished the memoir “August Farewell” and enjoyed it very much.
This book is the proof that you really love Bill. I won’t use the past tense on the verb love, because I believe we can still love someone even after they are gone.
There are lots of details on the parts related to the amazing trips, events, dinners, and gatherings. It passes to me a feeling that during the process of his “decay” (I don’t know if this is the appropriate word) you were able to recall pleasant and special memories from the past; and it seems that you were (are) very thankful for all of those memories.
I like reading about palliative care, and I’m interested on the cognitive, behavioral, and emotional processes that a person goes through when a loved one is under those “terrible” conditions. Like you said (not exactly your words): You have experience with the process (loved ones dying), but it does not get easier. I believe that.
You were able to convey your message clearly and elegantly. Your book isn’t tacky or narcissistic at all. In my opinion it is the realization of something important to you. Given your openness about your life in general, I believe it was important for you to share with many people those special memories and the final moments of Bill’s life.
You provided to me (and to your other readers) an amazing story about love and consideration.
I’m sure whatever place Bill is, he is very proud and happy for you.
I just finished your book "August Farewell".
I don't know how to word this...but I feel it necessary to thank you for allowing me, as a reader, to have such a close seat on intimate and personal stories about your life and your romance with Bill. It must have taken real courage to write that book.
Although it was a sad read, through the tragedy, I was able to see the love you two had for each other, which was something quite beautiful and heart warming. I also learned a lot about the end of life, which I've never witnessed. So anyway, thank you...for allowing me to pass my time with the story of your love for Bill. It was a great read.
I'm glad you decided to share your story - I really think sharing stories is the way we heal anyway. Not just on your end, but on my end as well! I have never been through that but there are points of the book I can relate to and it was so great reading a "gay" story.
I scarcely know where to begin. I’ve just finished reading “August Farewell” – what a marvelous book. Just as expected, it resonated strongly with me since my husband died in June, 2014, less than 2 months after a diagnosis of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. The way the book flows between the present and past is beautiful and succeeds in painting a vivid picture of your 33-year romance and the last 16 days of Bill’s life. I now feel as though I know both of you. I cried, even while reading the preface – and laughed out loud at times “surfaces, darling …”. Meeting you last weekend was a gift I will treasure as I continue this journey.
I have just had the most unexpected Saturday night. I surfed the net, watched TV with one eye while paging through magazines wondering about the meaning of life and what the hell it's all about. I have this nagging feeling that I need some inspiration and I look through the Google Play Catalogue of books…Frustrating. I decide to install the Kindle App - surely they will have a better-arranged catalogue...even worse. Then suddenly, your memoir ‘August Farewell’ pops into my head. I wait eagerly as the search results populate... Eureka! Needless to say I read it nonstop cover to cover. I just finished it now at 5 a.m. I cried and laughed and cried again. It was beautiful! It has given me great perspective and left me feeling grateful, energized and positive. Thank You!
I read “August Farewell” recently, and was deeply moved, with sorrow and joy, shaken up and inspired by your love, strength and commitment, blessed by the love you and Bill shared. Delighted by his wit and strength of character. Can I joke and say, moved, shaken and stirred? Thank you for a powerful, beautiful book and tribute.
Dear David,
August Farewell is one of those books you start reading and cannot put down till you finish…I kept thinking of the emotions, the pain, the numbness you must have had because I had all that too (as my husband was dying)…so much of your book read like it was our story too… between the tears and sadness I have been feeling also shines that word of hope…you have spoken of the period of palliative care you gave to parents and to Bill as a period of grace…my words exactly when I decided to write "our story"…August Farewell is a book with such honesty and love; I am resolved that I must write my story too - such a period of grace has to be shared!
Warm regards and affection,
Dr. Aruna Gnanadason, Chennai, INDIA
I was very moved by your powerful 'August Farewell'. I quickly became 'hooked' and couldn't stop reading.
Your movements back & forth from the 'real' time of those 16 days of love & pain into the wonderful glimpses you gave us of a relationship of care & creativity, of love & laughter, of faith & spirituality that lasted over 33 years were wonderfully expressed.
Your words brought both joy and pain, but both were expressed so daringly, so compellingly, with so much care. Thank you.
My dear new friend David...I call you friend because I feel I now know you...I just finished “August Farewell”...crying through most of it...experiencing along with you all you went through with the loss of your beloved Bill.
The book is truly a gift to the reader...a love story worthy of the ages. Thank you for sharing this final chapter of yours and Bill's incredible life together. I am truly grateful for the gift of your loving example.
Now, on to “Searching for Gilead”...
As most of my regular followers know, I recently lost my husband of fifteen years to pancreatic cancer. The journey experienced by Larry and I has been documented extensively through various social media outlets and I was considering gathering them all and publishing them in a coherent memoir. I have not yet gathered the strength to handle this task but hope at some point it will represent part of my healing process.
I recently met someone who has been able to share his journey as his husband succumbed to this disease after a thirty three year relationship of their own.
David G. Hallman’s August Farewell is an honest, loving and incredibly moving document of the changes and damage that pancreatic cancer wreaks on the patient and their caregivers, as well as displaying how lives lived in love will beget love and support from those who surround them.
Mr. Hallman’s story paralleled mine in that when the final diagnosis was given, there was very little time left and the focus shifted to providing comfort and relief in their last moments together. The shared vignettes of of Mr. Hallman and Mr. Conklin’s lives together prior to the diagnosis, set the stage for their final moments together.
Given that my husband’s passing is quite fresh, I found solace in that there was someone who experienced the same fears, the same comforts and the same love as I had. In reading August Farewell , I found equal opportunity for laughter and tears. Mr. Hallman’s memoir has helped ease some of my pain, alleviated my fears and offered me permission to take time to grieve.
I for one thank Mr. Hallman for sharing his and Bill’s journey with me. Thank you for this glimpse into a story I know all too well myself.
I started (and finished) “August Farewell” over the weekend at my cottage. What a moving book. The world needs more people like Bill! He was an amazing person; you, and all his family and friends were so lucky to have known him!
I especially loved seeing the pictures, and the goodbye message in the end of the book when you look back on what a wonderful life you had together, and everything you're thankful for.
I found the book inspired me to go on more adventures and try new things! Thanks again for writing the book. I'll pass it on to some family members next.
A note from Australia:
Good evening,
I just finished reading "August Farewell" and wanted to tell you how much I loved the book. Actually I finished reading it 10 minutes ago, but I had to wait for the tears to stop so I could type.
Thank you so much for telling your and Bill's story and for telling it so beautifully.
I have just bought "Searching for Gilead" and am very much looking forward to reading it.
Best regards,
Klaus Tomanke
Melbourne, Australia
Dear David,
“August Farewell” was wonderful and very moving! It was touching to read about your emotions and thoughts in such an intense period of your life. And I am glad I 'met' Bill. It is such a pity that I never had the opportunity to meet him in person. Among other things, I could have talked Italian with him... By the way, I found out we visited a lot of the same places (Tangiers, Marrakech, Paris, Rome, Milan, St. Petersburg, Amsterdam, London, Berlin, Oaxaca, Mexico City)!
I found the structure of the book really strong as well: the chronological order of the story combined with the flashbacks. I realize how difficult it is to do this in a natural way, without making it seem artificial or mannered. You succeeded perfectly in doing that - the book has a nice ‘flow’.
I also laughed out loud several times (‘surfaces, darling!’ and the hilarious story of the British Airways flight). Bill certainly was an interesting character. And you are so talented that you manage to bring him alive on paper. The story is a true inspiration to me. It especially taught me that saying goodbye to a loved one in a respectful manner sometimes means that you have to find the balance between staying close and involved on the one hand and distant enough on the other hand to let them go.
A big hug, take care!
Today I got to read David G. Hallman’s “August Farewell”. This book is sitting on my shelf for like two or three weeks now. So today I finally picked it up and haven’t put it down in the last five to six hours.
Reading the summary on the back suggested that this book would be a real tearjerker – and I was ready for that. I was excited and curious to finally read it myself after I heard lots of positive things about it before.
The book is basically about the last sixteen days David shares with his partner Bill, after he got the diagnose of pancreatic cancer – stage 4.
This book is an homage to love. David described the last days of his partner with love, passion, and courage but also humor. I loved how he mixed the current on-goings, the progress of Bill’s disease with loving, funny and special memories that they have adventured together through their relationship.
So we go by his side while he takes care of his lover, arranges everything that has to be arranged and is faced with something everyone is probably scared of - losing the person we love the most. But with strength, love and faith, he provides Bill everything he needs to help him, be by his side as he takes the final step.
I’ve been laughing, crying and weeping through the whole book and I think this is one of the most honest and affectionate books I’ve ever read. And I’m very thankful that David wrote down this process, those memories and decided to share them with us, the readers.
This is a wonderful story about love, faith, support and strength. A story about a long ongoing relationship that’s brought to an abrupt hold but doesn’t stop there. It’s about a love so deep that not even death can break it.
This memoir is so well crafted and written that it reads like an excellent novel. I was absorbed from the beginning right to the end. Yes, I cried.
I came across this title on Twitter and I got more and more interested. In a short time I ordered the book and I was eagerly waiting for it to arrive. The story tells us about the relationship between David (the author himself) and his beloved partner Bill. They had been together for thirty-three years when they received the horrible information that Bill was dying from cancer. He had been ill for some time but they haven´t until then got a diagnosis or some kind of clue to what it could be.
David describes their last two weeks, their feelings, their conversations and the close ones who came to visit Bill. The love between the two men is very intense, warm and genuine. These parts in the book is what strikes me the most; the love between the two of them and how David describes that in detail. It´s a love that goes beyond the disease and the threat it represents. Even in the saddest moments David is able to put Bill´s feelings and claims over his own.
The novel isn´t just about the illness, the suffering and eventually death. It contains episodes and pieces out of their life together, the many travels they´ve done. A bit of intimacy is included where David tells us about how he got to know Bill and his certain qualities and how he handled them. The respect is total and clear.
My words can´t make justice to the novel. You´ve got to read it yourself. You´ll have a great time reading it despite the sadness you feel when David is left all by himself when his dear Bill dies.
Read it!
On Christmas Day, I sat down and read “August Farewell”.
“August Farewell”’s structure is not only spontaneous and lucid but also deeply profound: I found myself unable to put down the book until the last page was turned around midnight. Thank you for sharing those precious moments.The book, despite the gravity of its subject, is full of such tenderness. I will never forget the scene of Mr. Conklin crawling in the snow to retrieve bags from the car on that Christmas!
In addition, it is occasionally hilarious! Many vignettes brought smiles to my face, such as when Mr. Conklin started to sing (against the rules) in front of Cecilia Bartoli, one of my very favourite mezzo-sopranos after I heard her singing Lascia ch’io pianga in the loudspeaker of a downtown HMV.
What a character Mr. Conklin was: exuberant, industrious, mischievous but also generous and loving! Never before have I felt so strongly that life and death are one inseparable process and true love is only possible in the continuity of this process. I’m very glad that “August Farewell” is in the collection of the University of Toronto’s Emmanuel College Library to benefit future generations. Thank you again for this beautiful and important book! “August Farewell” gives vivid details to a profoundly universal message.
I just finished reading "August Farewell"!
Thank you so much for writing it.
It has been a privilege to read a magnificent testimony of life and love!
All the best!
The final scene in the 1996 movie, "It's My Party", is where the AIDS-stricken character portrayed by Eric Roberts mentally ascends a ski-lift while flashing back to all the seminal moments of his life. In a great sense, author David Hallman takes us on the same journey in August Farewell. However, the reader is treated to a much broader context of what is essentially a life well-lived. We're reminded that it's not all about reaching the summit. The journey itself -- including death -- is something to embrace.
I've had this book on my Kindle for a while, and frankly, I was anxious about the subject. Death is a common human experience; yet the subtitle reminds us we are dealing with the last 16 days of a 33 year romance. Yet for all the tragedy implied -- and, yes, I wept a good deal -- my journey was lifted by Hallman's very exquisite detail of a full life. Art, music, culture, a bevy of close friends, contributions to making the world a better place -- all of these things exponentially revealed as we join Hallman in those 16 days. It's gut-wrenching beauty is desperate but hopeful, spiritual yet still accessible.
Hallman is known as an environmental ethics writer, but one hopes that the voice he has found in this loving tribute will treat us to additional works equally as perceptive, honest, and courageous.
August Farewell is a short love story about a long life of blessed friendship, true love, anguished care… while saying good-bye and holding on to what will always matter. It is a love story about God's love for God's people - human creation and divine partnership. I was deeply touched by David's recollections of how he and his partner Bill shared God's love, voice, and holiness with one another. It challenged me on nearly every page to make my love life count for more, and to acknowledge beauty in the big and little things of God's gifts. I was also struck by the tenderness and attentiveness that David used to portray the palliative care he and Bill received, and the health care system that seems to have met a need on more than just the physical level in Canada for these two citizens (something we in America have yet to perfect). The last pages contained a devotion on John 15:15 - and I as a minister saw Christ's love in that verse and was reminded that God meets us in our deepest brokenness and darkness sometimes in a way that light can not penetrate any other way - what a blessed light surrounded a 33 year romance. Thank you for sharing your brokenness and healing with us, David Hallman!
Keep writing :)
Thanks for your friendship.
Hi David,
Here are some things I wanted to share with you regarding "August Farewell":
- the quality of life and relationship that you and Bill shared was so amazing - your travel, the arts/culture appreciation that you embarked on and were both so passionate about, the friendships, etc. The mutual respect was solid. I'll never forget that moment when Bill mentioned to you that he'd given all his money to Mother Teresa and you just left it at that - no questions. Each flashback that you included revealed so much. Your writing is so crystal clear! You and Bill had a thoroughly positive partnership which was every bit a "marriage."
- the home care that you gave to Bill during the final weeks of his life showed utter commitment and total love. When I finished the book I contacted my sister to tell her that your story had helped me clarify how I want my life to end - at home, no invasive procedures.
- I lived in Toronto from my university years at U. of T. starting in 1967 right through to 1986 when I moved to NYC. So I too danced at the Manatee and remember the 1980's gay bath raids very well. I participated in the Yonge Street demonstration in June of 1981. I remember clearly that it was Kyle Rae that instructed us to sit down on the road when the police were refusing to let us pass.
- I'm full of admiration for you because of how you and Bill lived as a gay couple and because of how beautifully you "served" so that his life would end as comfortably as possible.
Thanks so much for writing "August Farewell". I was constantly moved and found it to be repeatedly so poignant.
Best from,
David-Paul Erhart, Montreal
Dear David,
I just finished "August Farewell". I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for having given me the great honour to read this very moving tribute to your Bill. I had a privileged perspective as I had the pleasure to meet the author before reading the book, and even having a glimpse of the elegant home you shared with Bill to the very end.
I devoured your book...too rapidly I sometimes felt...but the tempo was so fluid, that I totally got hooked reading of such love and the rich fulfilling journey you had with your Bill; but mostly, about the caring, soothing, compassionate and loving nature you showed your Bill till the end...
I have to say...I literally burst into laughter throughout the entire section about Bill's drug induced British Airways flight to London... your talent for description serves you well!
I could go on and on...but as we know each other so little, I wouldn't want to "Oprah" on you like an idiot...
So I will say goodbye and thank you so very much for sharing this very personal and touching event in your life with me.
Big gay hug
William, Montreal
P.S. I believe a little tenderness to the ego, periodically mind you, never really hurts...so this is for you: I organize my books in alphabetical order of the authors’ names. So, please know that you are now in my library next to, among others, Joseph Heller, Ernest Hillen, N. Hawthorne, Victor Hugo, Aldous Huxley and flanked, on the left side, by William Golding, Kahil Gibran and André Gide... and on the right side, by the great Ionesco.
Hi David,
I've just finished reading 'August Farewell' in one sitting. How blessed you and Bill are to have had each other's company. Yours is a beautiful book, and a beautiful story.
Be well, my friend.
Dear David,
I just literally finished 'August Farewell' and had to let you know that I thought it was a brilliant book. Initially you could think that a book about a person's last days from the view of their loved one could be a terribly sad read - well in many ways it was, but I sensed the fun behind some of the reminiscences of past times and indeed what you said about Bill's nature which lightened it. I must admit I did shriek with nervous laughter when you thought he'd gone and he hadn't and Bill told you off for interrupting his going! - Life and death are strange ol' things aren't they!
I thought I'd be blubbing at the end but aside from the a slight lump in the throat I actually wanted to smile and my heart swelled because you truly did put across that although it was so difficult and dreadful that through faith and love and 'being there' that in some ways it wasn't the end and how very kind people can be at times like that.
'Being a friend' - oh I agree with that and personally I don't think it matters much about a person's sex or sexuality - in a long term relationship your lover IS your best friend. I'm so very sorry you lost yours but it sounds like you had a magnificent life in your years together...I'm sure those memories are precious.
Thank you for writing such a lovely book as a memory of Bill and sharing your story with the wider world.
Kind Regards and God Bless,
Jo Wrigley, Salisbury, England
"August Farewell" was a particularly poignant read as I picked it up only six months after coming out and beginning my relationship with my first-ever partner. Hallman's stories of a life well-lived and well-loved are both meaningful and vibrant, offering a snapshot of his thirty-three years of romance with Bill. "August Farewell" is a touching love story that encourages hope and compassion, filled with vignettes that reveal a deep and lasting relationship. As I read this book, given the time I was at in my life, it made me look at my partner with ever-increasing love, as I imagined being able to share such memories of my partner and I, several decades from now. It's a book I will remember for years to come.
I finished reading David Hallman's beautiful memoir of the life of his partner and realized I had been in the presence of true love. While August Farewell is about Bill's battle with cancer, it truly is a love story and not simply one about death. I can't say much more that hasn't already been said in other reviews. I was just blown away to realize I finished it on the anniversary of Bill's death when I saw Hallman's tweet on August 23rd. Read this book. You'll be glad you did.
August Farewell is an inspirational memoir about the power of love, faith, and patience. Although the topic is emotional, it is written with great respect and a sense of humour that make it a beautiful book. Well worth picking up!
Dear David,
I want to take a moment to thank you for August Farewell. What a wonderful, beautiful, heartfelt and compassionate gift you have given us. This memoir has touched me deeply and I am richer for the experience.I have had the good fortune to attend hundreds of deaths over the last thirty years. I have been with friends, family members, colleagues and clients and each and every one of them shared with me the most precious gift one person can give another — a deep appreciation and reverence for life. I felt the same when I read August Farewell. It made me feel as if I knew you and Bill and shared in your blessings. I found you, my friend, a kindred spirit, through your thoughtful book and I want to say; well done.
Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS,
Seattle, WA
Author of "The Amateur's Guide to Death and Dying - Enhancing the End of Life"
August Farewell is a sad, uplifting, poignant mix of love story and tragedy. The flashback glimpses into the author's life with his beloved Bill bring the depth of their relationship to the fore, making the reality of the last sixteen days just that much more heartrending. A beautiful tribute, and touching memoir.
David,
I feel so incredibly blessed to have had the opportunity to meet someone so genuine and remarkable. I truly enjoyed our brief conversations yesterday at the conference; I was instantly struck by your warmth and kindness. I so very much appreciated your invitation to post a comment regarding my reflections on your book August Farewell.
I began reading August Farewell this morning on my porch as I sipped on a cup of tea; however, my tea grew very cold as I could not tear my eyes away from your magnificent writing and incredibly touching story. Just minutes ago, I finished the last page and I now write to you through blurried eyes and a full heart. Much like the readers you described in the preface of your book, I laughed and I cried, and I was overwhelmed by the power of what is truly a remarkable love story. Bill's spirit is undeniably captured within the pages of this book- I could feel the deep love he had for you, and you for him, warm my heart and soul as I read.
I am astonished by your strength and courage. It takes an incredibly special type of person to weave a beautiful tapestry of memories, emotion, and love out of a painful and traumatic experience. You did so with such grace, wit, and care. Thank you for sharing this with me, and thank you for sharing this with the world.
I have spent my day singing your praises to my family and friends, and already have a long list of requests to borrow your book. I hope that it comforts you to know that Bill's memory now lives in the hearts of those who have been touched by your book, myself included. I look forward to searching for and reading your other books- I know that they will be incredibly valuable to my research and my own understanding of our fragile earth. It was an absolute pleasure and privilege to meet you, and again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing your story.
Warmest Regards, Brooke Fry, Waterloo, ON
Beautifully written. I kept putting this book aside because I knew it would make me an emotional wreck, and it did, but it was also a celebration of life when life mattered most.
Brandon Shire, New York
Author of The Value of Rain and Listening to Dust
August Farewell is a tender and heart-warming love story and when I first became aware of it I was immediately intrigued by its premise. I was excited to read a gay love story from real life, but the theme of coming to terms with the impending death of one's life partner struck a particularly sensitive chord within my heart.
It was both endearing and reassuring for me, as a gay man, to read your reminiscence of a long, happy and healthy relationship with your loving partner. The accounts from different periods of your life together seemed to me to portray what I, as a young man, and so many of my gay friends, had day-dreamed about as we developed our worldview as homosexual men. A lasting and true relationship, based on friendship, trust and shared experiences.
I say 'reassuring' because your story gives testament to deep love, in a time when, it seems to me, the concept of "love" is being increasingly debated as some type of abstract ideal. Furthermore it gives testament to what people are capable of in their dedication to one another, and how that dedication creates value not only for two lovers, but for the people around them.
A heart that has been emboldened by love can unreservedly mediate love to countless others.
By reading your book I couldn't help but reflect on how I myself would react and deal with being in the situation of caring for a person, perhaps a potential love-of-my-life, during the last days of their life. Especially in a situation where the end draws near sooner than one could prepare for. It is hard to know anything about how one would actually cope with such circumstances, but reading your story helped me put those speculations in perspective.
Your sincerity in describing difficult details of the experience - for example, how you and Bill come to terms with his death, the physical pain he went through, how his demeanor seemed to change as a result of his physical deterioration - by letting your readers in like that you provide us with a cathartic reading experience.
Thank you for sharing your story.
With my respect,
Kristján Hans Óskarsson,
Iceland
Loved your book! I thought the religiousness was touched on perfectly.
I am not Religious and I am not anti Religion. However I have problems with any Religion that promotes Homophobia and Categorizes Gay People as Disordered. My Sister is part of the aforementioned group and although we get along well enough the very few times we see each other there is always that underlying distance that will always separate us. This is why I enjoyed the "Light Religious" touch I felt in your book using Religion in a most positive way, just living and sharing thoughts not preachy. Makes me fell better about Religion overall knowing that there is good along with the bad. Being a vocal part in the push for GSA's in Catholic schools and dealing with the nonsense that comes from the board, the Bishops and the Ministry of Education can make one focus on only the Bad side of Religion. It is nice to be reminded of the Good.
What I also enjoyed “August Farewell” was it was familiar. Having lived in Toronto for the past 22 years or so I liked being able to relate to location references. I also enjoyed feeling the odd parts that felt they mirrored my own life somewhat.
And I enjoyed the Love Story, the joy of sharing ones life with another.
Hi David,
Having been in similar position myself, many years before, I was profoundly moved by your book. I was there with you. I was there when you told Bill about your HIV diagnosis. When you were caring for him. When you were worrying about him. When you were sitting beside his hospital bed. When you were holding his hand. I was there because I've been there.
If the mark of a good writer is someone who can take you on a journey, someone who can express feelings you thought were personal to you, someone who can make you think, I mean really think about what you've just read - then you, David, are a good writer. Bill would be (and I'm sure is) very proud.
Best Regards,
Clayton
August Farewell: A tribute to the author's love that provides a road map on how to manage dignity in death's shadow; grace while grieving. May we all be as fortunate to experience the connective depth that these two men shared.
Dear David,
I totally burned through August Farewell, thank you for sharing it with the world. Your intimate story of love and loss deals with the most universal of themes in the most personal way. I never met your partner Bill, but he now peoples my world too.
Tilman Lewis, Toronto, ON
Certified Professional Editor
A Short Tale of a Peaceful Ending of Life
I began reading August Farewell on the seventh day of that summer month. The date coincides with the beginning of David Hallman's narrative of his lover's death two years prior, and memory of their decades-long relationship.
A book by a gay Canadian Christian man might seem remote to a woman like me, who's married, Jewish and lives in New York City. But Hallman connects, effectively; his story sticks with me. I keep thinking of how sane it was.
Hallman recounts the death of a man, his partner William (Bill) Conklin, who'd lived for years with multiple sclerosis and its debilitating effects. In August, 2009 Conklin learned he had advanced pancreatic cancer. The story works through the author's 16 daily notes on meetings with doctors, nurses and palliative care specialists, and visits with old friends and family.
The patient chose to die at home and his partner, Hallman, honored his wishes. Their story of calm, palliation and love at life's end is heartening.
Best,
Elaine
I lost my partner the same week as David lost his Bill. The parallels of our final two weeks with our partners are amazing. Reading the book was almost like reading my own story, like being with my Dan again. Even through sadness love is uplifting. Thank you!
Dear David,
I need to let you know how your book, August Farewell, has impacted me — 1) as a grief professional, but also 2) as a person who has experienced loss as well. You illustrate so beautifully, how to live a full life with the people you love, leaving behind no regrets (or as little as possible) for when the inevitable does happen. What a gift you and Bill gave to each other — to live lives full of meaning, passion, adventure, love and honesty! Fully supporting each other in good times and in bad.
What a gift you give Bill even now, for your book is an honoring and remembering for Bill — a way to keep his legacy going — to let others know the kind of person he was and the kind of person you became because of this final journey that you both were able to take together. That you were able to take this journey and give it to others, to help make their path easier, if even a small bit — to offer hope and inspiration to people who may be enduring a terminal illness and for the family members watching their loved ones change, over time, with the disease process. Without complicated medical lingo, you were able to offer psycho-education about the end-of-life process and palliative care, including the health care options that may be available to people in these situations, such as hospice. You were able to illustrate the importance of having those tough conversations with your loved one, making plans in advance to make sure all your loved ones wishes were tended to, but also to make it easier for you in bereavement. You also wrote about the importance of support systems and doing self-care, so that you as the caregiver could be your optimal best during the arduous journey.
These are all lessons that as a grief professional, I would try to impart to a client and you were able to offer these lessons in a compassionate and caring read. I will be ordering a hard copy of your book so that I have it available in my professional library to loan to any client that may have that need.
I tried to write just a couple of sentences about your book, but found I kept retyping and rethinking what I wrote because my words are so inadequate to describe what your book meant to me. I really want to say Thank You for your courage in writing this book and baring your soul, and your pain, for the world to see — all to give back, to help others, to honor and to remember.
God Bless You!
Sincerely,
Diana Sebzda
Lafayette, NJ
August Farewell is a book that shows us how to live joyfully. It's a love story that shows us how to be lovers. In some sections it's very funny — I read the passage about the Easter trip to Britain for the third time and laughed harder than ever — and it's always honest and unpretentious and vulnerable.
It takes enormous strength to be so vulnerable.
Above all, this is the story of a resilient spirituality, grounded in friends and family and the subtitled "thirty-three year romance" of two wise and passionate men. Thank you, David. This book is a gift.
I read August Farewell in one sitting. I simply could not stop reading. Even when the ending was obvious, I could not but complete the journey. At some point, David tells how he did not feel able to eulogize Bill, and found someone to read it for him. I am so very pleased that he finally found a way to pay fitting tribute to an amazing man and an amazing love. The glimpse into the 33 year relationship reveals a rare, true partnership. These two human beings shared an incredible life and love, and found a way to share the ending of those with dignity and respect. Truly a remarkable story.
Sat down in a field in Cornwall & just read your book cover to cover. Wow! Probably the most beautiful book I have read in years. X
I finished reading August Farewell. In tears! Although the long life and love you had ended tragically, the eternal love will live on forever.
Thank you so much for allowing me the pleasure of reading your stunning book August Farewell. WOW. I couldn't put the book down - I didn't want it to end.
As a nurse who works in HIV and in Palliative Care, I tend not to become too emotional with death. When you witness hundreds of deaths, and know each individual by name, one cannot internalize it. It is, what it is, as they say. Reading August Farewell I found that I actually shed a tear from time to time (between the laugh out loud chuckles from some of the anecdotes!).
The poignancy of the story helped to remind me what it is that I'm really doing; what palliative care is all about, but also why I went into nursing in the first place, and why I am still passionate about it. It helped refocus me to what is important, and rejuvenate my spirit to keep doing it!
Through your painfully honest personal experience, I have seen countless loved ones in the same desperate situation. You seem to have risen to the challenge exceptionally well, and Bill was extremely lucky to have had you by his side all those years -- indeed I can see that it was mutual!
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience! It is a wonderful tribute to Bill!
Kind Regards,
Rachel Johnson, Toronto
Reflections of Michael Fitzgerald (Waterford, ON) after reading "August Farewell"
In many respects the times, places and events are intertwined with my own. I felt that I was a counter character to David in a well-crafted Robert Altman film. My own experiences, now history long since past were being forced back into my memory. I felt compelled to get to the end to discover the outcome of my alter ego.
The use of flash back narrative is not a form I usually enjoy in biographies. Mr. Hallman proves me very wrong by using it exquisitely to recount the last 16 days of his partner's life. Anyone who has been in a similar situation as caregiver for a loved one during their final days, will vouch for the fact that memories will constantly flood into your mind overtaking the most menial tasks. The author shares this trance-like dream as he intertwines a random palette of the rich lives they had enjoyed together with the detailed functionality of their day-to-day existence.
Yes, I cried--quite often. I keenly felt what David was experiencing and could foresee what was yet to come. In the end, however, I rejoiced that both David & Bill had found peace. I rejoiced in Mr. Hallman's detail chronicle of the support services that were available to him. It gives us hope that the medical system is recognizing the importance of palliative care. I rejoiced in their 33 year relationship exemplifying to a then unbelieving world that a caring gay couple could co-exist and be a contributing part of our society.
Finally, I rejoice in the fact the Mr. Hallman shared this very personal experience with us.
Thanks
Amazing book. One of those books that once you pick it up you can't put it down. In the format of a daily log. Could also be considered a how to book on letting go, while keeping safe all that is dear.
I finished August Farewell just now. So, so moving. You have much to be proud of and grateful for--your life with Bill, caring for him, writing about your life with him. And I am delighted and grateful that you've shared your experience through this book. Thank you, my friend. It's a beautiful read, and a pleasure to be able to visit your life with Bill.
Thank you so much for writing August Farewell! I finished it on Sunday with tears of joy for you and for Bill's life. I've passed it on and will continue to pass it on.
Beautifully written, extremely moving - August Farewell is the long and colorful journey shared by two people in love and the ultimate passage we all have to face. Encouraging, inspiring and surprisingly...humorous. Warning: Make sure you have plenty of tissue boxes.
This beautifully written memoir is careful to show the love of this thirty-three year relationship and not just the angst of watching someone die. Hallman has done a wonderful job of interspersing memories of trips (painted wonderfully with description) so the reader can get to know these two main 'characters' even though we are well aware of the outcome from the onset. The testament to the longevity and love of this gay couple goes a long way to show that 'marriage' does not know gender. My partner and I (only together 11 years - a third of David & Bill) have traveled extensively as well and I enjoyed the portions as I reminisced about my own life as Hallman displayed their shared moments together before those final days in August. I cannot imagine planning out my spouse's service as he did while tending to and caring for Bill with an unconditional love that allowed his soul-mate such dignity in death. Sharing these private moments with others may just aid in the relief that someone reading this book could need; displaying once again how giving this author truly is.
Gregory G. Allen, NJ by way of NYC & Texas
Author of Well With My Soul
I finished August Farewell last night. It's quite an amazing story. What a rich life you had together. I think you were both so courageous to do this in your home and basically spend the final days alone together. I appreciated everything about this book, down to the details of the music choices as ambience before and after the memorial. An elegant tribute for an elegant man, by another elegant man. You did him proud. I still play over and over again the significance of Bill's dream, his walk with Jesus. Enormous, really, the gift of that assurance.
Your book is very touching and poignant. I am so glad you decided to write this wonderful tribute to Bill and also for yourself. I guarantee, though it is very sad to read, even with the beautiful memories woven throughout, it is therapeutic for others engaged in grief work to read your book. I believe this book can help people ponder and work through things about their own losses. I kept reading because I was very engaged and did not regret it for a moment.
August Farewell is an incredible love story. David Hallman courageously shares the final days of life with his beloved Bill, interwoven with everyday snapshots of their love in action. The reader is taken on a journey to an expected end, and yet is blessed with unexpected grace along the way. A valuable read for everyone of us, because death is an integral part of life. What a gift if each of us were loved through our life's end with the exquisite care that David gave Bill.
Michele Neff Hernandez, Executive Director, Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
San Diego, CA
David Hallman's August Farewell is a very detailed personal and poignant sharing of memories of life, love, laughter and pain up to and beyond death. As a gay man myself in a long-term relationship (16+ years) I couldn't help see the parallels of love, laughter and rememberance with my own loving husband - but the book has greater appeal beyond same-sex relationships to show the power of love and rememberance in all relationships. August Farewell is a wonderful tribute to enduring love and keeping our memories alive.
August Farewell is a truly wonderful volume — I could not put it down! It is the most moving account of a relationship — so intimate yet never maudlin. What a rich, decently humane interaction between life partners you have portrayed. I hope it receives wide circulation beyond the gay community. I can think of no piece of literature that so effectively points out the quality of relationship beyond all considerations of gender. In short, it is a masterpiece!
AUGUST FAREWELL is exquisite. Your writing skills are strong, and perhaps especially since you wrote this for yourself, every word crisp and clear and authentic. A gift to be invited into your and Bill's life. I felt a deep sense of privilege and honor to be sharing in your story. It moved the whole way through, no sag anywhere.
David: I opened your book this morning to get a taste - quite afraid that it would be overwhelming - and have just now finished it. I devoured every single word. These were some of the most glorious hours of my life, reading your beautiful love letter to your BillyBoy.?? Thank you for your courage - to live through that and to write about it. It is spectacular. And thanks ever so much for sharing it with me.
Alanna Mitchell, Toronto, ON
Journalist and author of Sea Sick
I read August Farewell yesterday afternoon. It is a very moving statement. I feel deeply honoured to have the opportunity to read it. For of course it is very intensely personal. August Farewell is very well written. It touches on a great number of feelings, sentiments and emotions. I chuckled at times. Of course there was Bill's irrepressible humour, and your own ready wit. It is a love story. What a love story. And a couple story. You write very well. The weaving together of past experiences.... and present challenges. There is a dynamic to the writing, a pacing, an openness and yet a fine handling and control of the material. It could have gushed over. It didn't.
I've read August Farewell twice - I read it right through on both occasions because I couldn't put it down! It was a profoundly moving experience for me - even more so on second reading. And I know this will be the case when I read it a third time. It's a gift that keeps on giving! In the introduction you say that Bill's dying process was not something distinct from the rest of your life with him but rather the culmination. This is evident on every page. Perhaps that's partly why the scenes of the last days interspersed with the vignettes are a seamless whole. It's an extraordinary memoir that has enriched me in so many ways. You are a gifted writer, and the perspective on life and relationships you bring to your reflections in August Farewell is truly a gift to your readers.
I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your book. I decided to read it after vacation, thinking it might be rather somber. It was not. You came at a tragic turn of events from a broader life perspective so that, while Bill is obviously on his deathbed during the read, I found myself laughing at times and realizing it is OK. You told your story resolutely and gracefully, just like you handled Bill's diagnosis and death.
I was filled with wonder at the depth of your journey. Your book is a love story, a palliative care story, a health care story, an autobiography, a deeply spiritual story. Every story around the bedside of someone who is dying is unique, but you have captured the journey in such a poignant & loving way. The interwoven memories are also part of the journey. The present evokes memories of the past.